Tuesday, December 15, 2009

War is Over

So, its official. It is Christmas time. A time when you're supposed to feel all lovey dovey, cozy, warm and fuzzy. Last year surprisingly I did. I let go of my heart and had a mission. I did, because on Christmas Eve, I was surrounded by family, friends, amazing food, laughter and love. I also was surprised by one of my best friends, Bryan, with a bottle of wine he had been saving that I had actually given to him many years ago. He gave it to me as a Christmas gift saying that when this is all over, we'd drink it. And...now we can.

On Christmas, though we mourned Mema's passing, we cherished memories of her and kept her with us as we opened gifts and ate breakfast mentioning what she would think, do, say. Christmas turned into a fun-filled day of eating, sharing stories, gift giving and receiving, drinking tasty wine and... eventually a night full of a typical Italian feast and a loud and joyous celebration. Not only was the Saginario family in attendance, but my coworker and dear friend Gemma and her mom, along with a visit from Justin and Becka. It really was so fun!

The funny thing is, my favorite song of all time during Christmas is Sarah McLauglin's rendition of 'Happy Xmas, War is Over'. Last year when I heard it, I actually got angry, felt resentment, and got really upset. "Let's hope its a good one, without any fears." That's certainly not how I felt at all. On Dec 25, 2008 I had cancer in my body and a year ahead that I couldn't even begin to prepare for. I was so scared and the year had not even started yet!

"For weak and for strong." that's the part that got me motivated. That actually got me feeling vicious and ready to conquer whatever was up ahead.

So now when I listen, and the year is behind me and Sarah asks "Oh this is Christmas and what have you done?" I know that I've done more than most. This year is the biggest and most important of them all. More important than college graduation, buying a new car, getting a promotion... I beat cancer!! And the best feeling is knowing in my head, my heart and soul that It's a "Happy Christmas" this year and the "War is Over!" Ah ah ah ah!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyJOh9DrH0c

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Rolf's

Almost exactly this time last year as we were leaving Gramercy radiology, my mom, sister and I decided we were going to spend the rest of the day enjoying the city instead of going back to our regular lives of work, cleaning, whatever. And since we thought the biopsy was sure to come back negative, we might as well take advantage of the beautiful crisp winter weather in Manhattan!

As we walked to find a pub to grab a burger, we came across what we thought was a Christmas shop. We walked in and to our surprise, it was a German bar...with about 2000 Christmas balls hanging from the ceiling...all strategically placed in their own little spot. The place was overwhelmingly gorgeous. A bit over the top, but screamed the Christmas warmness that we all needed to feel that day. We sat for a German beer, my mom got hit on by a married man named Steve (ironic) and we had a great time. Little did we know we would end up in the same place 1 year later with a double mastectomy' egg retrieval, 8 rounds of chemo and 25 treatments of radiation, over 15 Herceptin injections behind us and short hair, scars and a happy heart to show for it all!

The day we went to Rolf's last year didn't end with Rolf's being the high point however. After Rolf's we went to Molly's, a pub next door that had saw dust on the floor! We were looking for a fondu place in the area, but couldn't find it. So I decided to call my "friend" at the time Nate. Little did my mom and sister know that I had a huge crush on him. Then we did some shopping, popped in another bar for my favorite drink of all time (dirty martini) and finally to Dos Caminos for dinner where my mom actually had her first bowl of guacamole.

It was 9pm before we knew it and Dana and I just weren't ready to go home. So what did we do? Dragged my mom to sing karaoke! A few Corona's later we were dancing, singing and staying out way past our bedtimes!

Little did we know while we were staying optimistic and making the most out the crappy situation, my cells were having a party of their own... my cancer cells were spreading their own Christmas cheer... to my lymph nodes.

So this year at Rolf's we had lots to celebrate. Not only did we drink, laugh, dance, and enjoy our time together, we made friends with strangers (hi Leslie, Ibby and Matt!) and ran into old friends (Happy birthday Jeff! Nice meeting you Cam!).

This visit to Rolf's represented a big accomplishment for us all. We got through the hardest time in our lives. And as a leave behind, we left our mark on Santa.

**PICTURES TO COME!**