Down Days

After a very long day of work, I went to my boyfriend's house to rest up before heading out to dinner on Friday night. I had been looking forward to this, so I really wanted to push myself to make it happen.

We ended up going to a beautiful restaurant called House on the Lower West Side and the food was amazing. Nate was as sweet as ever and his friends were great as always.

This morning, I woke up, felt ok, and was ready to start my day. I had a party scheduled for later in the afternoon and was heading back to Hoboken with a bald head and little makeup, but felt excited for the party. Then the day just took a "Down" turn. Got on the F train, and a man asking for money started harassing me in front of many many strangers about my bald, fuzzy head. He asked me a question and I simply told him to go away. I felt frustrated. I felt embarrassed. Why'd he have to pick on me? Is it not bad enough that I have this alien looking haircut, that someone needs to start saying comments to me? And during my trip home, at least 3 children tugged at their parents' shirts pointing and staring and not understanding why "that lady" doesn't have any hair.

Normally, I take the looks and don't care. But for some reason today, it hurt. A lot.

Then, I took the long way home from the PATH train. I walked the whole way. Stopped off to buy myself a new shirt to wear to the party (and to make myself feel better), but as I was trying on clothes, I couldn't stop looking at myself with no hair and little makeup. I looked sick. And when I look sick, I get sad, frustrated, pissed off and truley and utterly upset.

When I finally reached my apartment, it was another disappointment. I looked around and saw all the boxes that are filled with all my stuff. Everything I own that I'm taking back to my mom's house when I move in with her after my reconstructive surgery. Then, I started an official pity party for myself.

Why did this have to happen to me?
Why do I have to be bald?
Why can't I just be like every other 27 year old woman and live my life?
Why do I have to leave Hoboken? I'm not ready yet!
This isn't fair!!!

Then, I start to cry. But as always, after only seconds of crying and whining, I realize this is stupid. This situation SUCKS, but it happened and it's saving my life and I have to suck it up, put on a smile and get ready for this party.

So, I downloaded the song from Sex and the City the Movie (when Carrie is at the fashion shoot), uploaded it onto my iPod and got ready.

I took a long shower, put on my makeup, heels, jeans, tube top and Fedora, and I was ready to go. And after all that, I realize that it's ok to have a Down Day. You can't always be superwoman -- as long as you pick yourself up, clean yourself off and keep positive. Life is meant to be lived!

So now I'm home at 12am and had a great time. It was great seeing my old high school friends and hanging with my one of my best girls Michelle. Found out some funny gossip and realize that even though I'm going through the toughest year of my life, I truley am a very lucky girl who is very much in love.