Lessons Learned

I was doing some thinking and wanted to share some of my lessons learned through this crazy and surreal experience. I really lived by these lessons and continue to do so now.

My lessons on how I've been learning how to deal with the Big C:

1. On weekends when you don’t have chemo, schedule something to do.
Schedule a lunch with a friend, dinner with your mom, anything. And when the time comes, if you don’t feel up to it, don’t go. But if you keep something on your calendar that you “need to get through the week” to do, you’ll do it. And it passes the time! And gets you excited!

2. Buy colorful wigs, earrings, scarves.
Try to either look like your old self, or try new things. I've had brown hair my whole life and have actually never dyed or highlighted my naturally brown/auburn hair. One of the first wigs I bought was blonde! I've worn it to parties, on a boat cruise and even to work!

3. Keep the negative information to a minimum. Don’t watch or read anything that has to do with cancer (unless it’s a self-help book/movie or given to you by your doctor).
Cancer is living right in front of your face day in and day out. Why over-read about everything? So many of the side effects and symptoms you read about you won't even experience. So why freak yourself out?

4. Don’t wear pajamas all the time. Get dressed.
Sometimes the more comfy you are, the more depressed you get. You feel sick! When I'm feeling like a human, I put makeup on and wear heels every chance I get. It just makes me feel like me!

5. Surround yourself with positive people.
Sometimes this is not always easy. Because if you work with people that are typically negative Nancy's or have a family that's not always so rosey, do what you can to watch chick-flicks that make you happy, get involved with people who ARE positive and are doing positive things. Can you join a knitting club? Take a painting class? Just do something that makes you feel good! Lucky for me, my family has been amazing.

6. Go to a support group. You need to talk about it.
Not all support groups are for you, but find one that is. I am involved in a support group at Sloan Kettering Hospital and personally see the good and the bad to it. There are some positive people there and some negative. For me, it's great to hear the positive outlooks and it's great to hear from women that are already 10 steps ahead of me. On the other hand, it's great to hear the negative things and feelings to justify why I feel a certain way. Or selfishly, to make myself feel better knowing that I don't feel like them.

7. Know this is only temporary. And keep reminding yourself about that.
Everytime I look in the mirror, or cry to my boyfriend in frustration that I have to go through this, his words always are: "Kar, this is only temporary." And it's true. The hair will grow back, the chemo won't be as often and your breasts won't be like your old ones, but they'll be better than they are right now. All of it is only temporary.

8. Have a glass of wine or some beer when you feel like it.
Sometimes it just helps AND makes you feel human again. You deserve it! I wouldn't suggest doing this right before or right after chemotherapy -- be sure to ask your doctor what's best.

9. Don’t forget who you are.
Having cancer does not make you a “cancer patient.” It still makes you you. It just makes you stronger, smarter and a survivor! Be proud of yourself for being able to get through this tough time. It's a struggle, it's hard, but you can do it!

10. Celebrate every small success.
Anything that’s positive at this time, is great! And celebrate it! Whether you have just finished you 4th chemo, and you know you're halfway done, or you saw your first fuzzy on your head - celebrate it. Just because you may have a much longer way to go, don't forget how far you've come.

11. Come up with a song, or two, or three.
Whenever I start to get down about what's happening, I think of the song my mom and I heard while watching The Devil Wears Prada one chemo weekend. The song is originally by Seal, called "Crazy" but was been re-done by Alanis Moorisette. The words are: "But we're never gonna survive...unless...we get a little crazy!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8DhqEJlhMU

When this song came on, my mom and I played it over and over and over and hugged and danced and thought it was soooo true! So anytime I get down and need a quick pick-me-up, I play this song on my ipod and jump and cry and realize that I have to get crazy to beat this!

Another story, was when I went for my petscan to check and see if I had cancer anywhere else in my body, they put you in this crazy apparatus and put earphones on you and play music. The first song that came on was "Keeping the Faith" by Billy Joel. So of course, it was that song that got me through a VERY scary examination.

And lastly, yesterday, I was taking a shower and put on my shower radio. The song by Natasha Bedingfield came on and I started singing and balling in the shower. It was the PERFECT song to hear before my LAST chemo treatment! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lFXy5bIiSA

12. Think of Samantha Jones.
For all you Sex and the City watchers out there, think of her. I know she never really had cancer, she's a character. But even when Samantha did her speech at the cancer benefit, she looked fabulous - but had a hot flash and ripped off her wig. I just think of all the times she looked hot and fabulous and kept her composure and was still herself. Hey, she even got a really hot boyfriend who shaved his head with her! Hmmm...sounds familiar! Thanks Nate the Great. xoxox
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKB5RcpwCac

13. How are you? You're FINE.
People ask you all the time how you are feeling and you typically say "ok" or "hanging in there." Right? Well, what should you tell them? That you are struggling, tired, fighting for your life? No one wants to hear that.

So, I was at my support group a couple weeks ago and we discussed what you should say to people. They said say "FINE." It stands for Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Exhausted. Well, that pretty much captures it. :)

14. Bring your own blanket, pillow and socks to chemo.
Hey, if you're going to be there for 3+ hours, you might as well be comfortable!

15. Only think in the present. Don't overwhelm yourself.
If you try to think too far away (Ok, now chemo's over, but I have surgery, radiation, then herceptin for 1 year, then tamoxifen for 5 years, then...then..then..), you will get overwhelmed. Just get through each day and look forward to the exciting things like being in your best friends' wedding, or visiting your boyfriends new nephew Kevin!

Well, I hope these lessons give you an insight as to how I've been able to keep my head up during this sad, frustrating and crazy time in my life. And if they help anyone in anyway, this blog is all the worth it!