12-12-12

I am sitting at 3 South Place Bar and Grill - a little fabulous, trendy hotel bar in London with my 2nd glass of champagne in front of me. I'm celebrating.

Why? You ask, it was 4 years ago exactly that I received the scariest news ever.

Only yesterday, my mom and sister left London to go back to New Jersey. They were here since Friday and we bonded in a different way than ever before. I think we realized we are all women now (even me, the baby) with our own ways of doing things, our own preferences, but one core similarity: the love we share with each other. "Never over, never under, always together." **more pictures to come**

I'm sitting at this bar, drinking this glass of bubbly thinking about how far my life has come since not only 2008 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer - but the last time I was in London - almost 10 years ago.

I'm a completely different person. There are things I did then I would never do now, things I love now (like this champagne and butternut squash risotto I'm eating) that I didn't even know I liked.

I am so thankful for all I have in my life and can't help but think of my favorite Christmas song's lyrics "so this is Christmas, and what have you done? One year over, a new one just begun... So Happy Christmas... War is over!"

So thank you to my family, the true love of my life, my friends, new co-workers (especially Erika, Mia and Gonzalo) and everyone who has touched my heart. I wouldn't be here today without you.

Happy 12-12-12!!! (And many more!)

Pink October

Amazing is the only word I can think of for how I feel about the opportunities given to me from the American Cancer Society.

This past September, they called me and said, "Kara, we are shooting the Breast Cancer Awareness October NFL apparel catalog. Would you like to bring your family and pose for us?" I immediately said "Yes!" and of course invited all of my family members - Mommy, Jabe, Dana, Steve, Caroline, Uncle Carm, Aunt Laura, Carmoo, Kimmy and Anna.  The next week, I got a call asking what the name is of the one family member that I would be bringing was. Oops! So, I brought Mommy, my biggest supporter to join me in this incredible experience.

The day was amazing.  There's that word again!

Not only did we meet about 20 other wonderful, strong and incredible breast cancer survivors, but we were pampered with hair and makeup, we posed for the catalog, my mom was the funniest person there and got all the "fans" to get really roudy, and.... I made the cover!

For a copy of the catalog, visit:
http://www.nflshop.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3862638

The Catalog!

Here are some pic's from the day of the shoot!

Hair and Makeup Time

Mommy & Me

(us being silly!)

Mommy being the best "fan!"

What an amazing day! 

Much thanks to the American Cancer Society!

Hurricane Sandy - you can't get us!

Nate and I went out yesterday to see what Hurricane Sandy was all about and walked down to the East River in Brooklyn Heights and found about 20 other people just like us trying to weather the storm.

Though we made out lucky - still have power, lost cable for a few hours - we realize there are so many out there that are facing true devastation to their homes and businesses.  The Jersey Shore is devastated. My little vacation spot from my childhood - Seaside Heights - almost completely washed away. The Log Flume, gone!  Poor Hoboken - my old stomping grounds - is completely flooded!

It's times like these to look around at your loved ones and squeeze them tight. Because no matter what, as long as you have them - and your health - everything is going to be ok.

PJ Clark's

Four years ago my mom, my sister and I walked into PJ Clark's, a cute bar on the corner or 53rd and 3rd. We just had a discussion with Dr. Montgomery (my soon to be breast surgeon). She gave me the option to have either a single or double mastectomy. What a day. Telling me that if I opt for the single, my chances of getting breast cancer again increase by 1% every year. So when I was 36, I would have 10% chance of reoccurance. At 46, 20% chance. You get the picture. So I opted to eradicate breast cancer in my body and immediately chose a double mastectomy. My sister and mom were a mess. "Are you sure?" they cried. I was never more sure. I told the doctor right away and without a tear in my eye.
After such a surprisingly easy decision, my sister, mom and I went to PJ Clark's to discuss the doctors appointments and decision. We had burgers and beers. A regular tradition after spending hours in NYC doctors offices hearing crappy news.

Two weeks ago (right before our Dolce-Stad European excersion), I was promoted at work! And last week, my coworkers threw me a little party with drinks to celebrate a PJ Clark's. When I got there, I went to the bathroom right near the very table where my mom, sister and I sat to talk about the hardest decision I had ever made in my life. And I looked in the mirror at my reflection and got tears in my eyes. Look at how far I've come? In 4 years I'm healthy, happy, with long hair and a new promotion! Go me!

Thanks so all my favorite people at Bloomberg for making tonight a night that I will always hold close to my heart! Love you guys and will miss working with you so much!

(see the photo of Greta and me below! We are missing Kelly, Dhanusha, Steve, Johnna and Bonnie!)

Onto the next chapter....

Invincible

It's October: Breast Cancer Awareness month.


Before I was diagnosed I never thought it could happen to me. My grandmother had it. She was old! She had gray hair (well, frosted hair really). She had really soft wrinkly skin that smelled of lavender. Sometimes cucumber.

So when I would see pink ribbons, I would think of Mema. My cute little Italian grandma. She never really talked about her experience. Or how scared she was. She was just a bull, a fighter.

Then finally, breast cancer took her away from all of us. Took away her wit, her funny (yet sometimes dirty) jokes, her love for Japanese soap operas and her adoration for her family.

It was then that it all became so real. People get plucked right out of the world because their time is up. And they just leave it all behind. I had been to wakes and funerals before, but Mema wasn't just any ordinary grandma. She was my friend. I told her about school, about my boyfriends, my job, and my friends. She even came to my rugby games in college! She shared so much with me in my life. And then she was gone.

I thought about her experience with breast cancer. That she found something. Something she never expected. So one day in the shower I poked around and I too found something. At 26 years old. But never thought it could happen to me. Because I thought breast cancer only happens to grandma's.

Little did I know that I was suffering from an aggressive type of breast cancer that not only caused me to have a double mastectomy and extensive treatment, but it also spread to my lymph nodes. It  had a life of its own.

Now looking back and living life post-cancer, I realize that anything can happen to anyone. My friend Drew fell from a fire escape. He fell right out of the earth. Why? It's just not fair.

So I've learned that life is so precious. And that every single day is a blessing.

Be nice.
Be kind.
And be careful.
Be smart, have fun and don't ever think you're invincible.

The Survivor Tree

Yesterday was September 11. A day that changed the world forever.
So many innocent people affected by something so uncontrollable - terrorism. A hate for mankind. So tragic. So sudden. So many wonderful people lost.

As I commemorated the day, I sat on my couch and watched a special about the WTC and a story that touched me in a very special way. The story was about a tree.

In the World Trade Center plaza, there was a pear tree that was completely demolished during the attacks. The tree was completely broken and burned leaving only pieces of the truck and broken branches. During the clean-up of the site, a man by the name of Ron Vega found the tree and saw life in this tree. This tree survived. So, he had it dug up and replanted in a farm in New Jersey. A few years later, Ron was put in charge of rebuilding the site and he never forgot about this tree - this scarred pear tree was a symbol of survival.

For 9 years, the tree showed signs of recovery, until 2010 when the tree suffered a blow from a really bad wind storm in the area. The tree's roots were pulled from the ground, and it was knocked over and had crashed into a fence. Once again, this tree was repaired and brought back to life. The tree was wrapped and anchored to the ground - the team was determined to keep it alive.  The tree survived again and again!

This is a story close to my heart.

Our very good friend Jason Tirri works on the rebuilding of the World Trade Center. Last year, he was kind enough to give us a tour and told us this same story.  As he walked us through the Freedom Tower, and finally through the grounds, he spoke of this tree and the fact that just two weeks earlier, the "Survivor Tree" bloomed for the very first time. My eyes filled up with tears. I couldn't help but feel a connection to that tree.

I fortunately was not in the World Trade Center during the attacks. I was not even in New York City. But I was in college, and remember the devastation it caused around the world. My heart was empty that day and still is - for all of those people lost. But that tree is a symbol for many things. Some things that I, myself has experienced. And that's survivorship.

That tree has been beaten, burned and demolished - from the outside. But something in that tree is staying strong and is fighting to survive.

This is a post to remind people that if you have the will to survive, you will. Keep fighting and never give up! Your body is a just a shell - it's what's inside that truly matters.

Fighting Pretty

Trying to start a new group for young women faced with breast cancer.
Just started a new blog and facebook page and really hope someday it will get big enough to help people all over the world to share their stories and teach young women that this is real and should not be ignored.

But all the while, knowing you can still be young, beautiful and sexy - and go through breast cancer! The most important thing throughout your breast cancer journey is to stay strong, stay smart and remember you are still you!

Hair, no hair, eyelashes, no eyelashes, you are still beautiful inside & out!

Fighting Pretty - feeling beautiful every day!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/FightingPretty

Testing Testing

Guess what?

Last week, I was asked by the American Cancer Society to join Desiree Carton and speak - on the radio - about my journey through breast cancer and my experience at the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk that takes place every October. It was truly amazing!

We recorded at KTU first with morning show host, Cindy Vero. She was a ball of laughs! Plus, we were even wearing similar fabulous shoes!

The ACS ladies, me, and Cindy!

Mine & Cindy's shoes.



Next we headed over to Z100 to record with Loren Raye. It was a crazy experience for me, because I used to listen to Z100 when I commuted to my first job in New Jersey. She was great. She even talked about her cousin, who is about 42 years old who had just finished treatment. We were all crying like babies! But it was such a personal experience on such a public level. I feel so lucky to have been given this opportunity.

At Z100 with Loren Raye and the ACS ladies (Desiree & Beth)

Plus, I got to meet Greg T!

Sitting and talking about all of my knowledge on these two radio shows with the funny and outspoken hosts, plus Desiree from the American Cancer Society was beyond amazing. I truly felt like I was having a conversation over coffee and was reaching women all across the country to tell them my story, and teach them to do self-breast exams and just become more aware that this unfortunate disease can actually happen to young women.

Thank you to Clear Channel and the ACS for supporting me, my experience and really trying to make a difference!

So tune in on Sunday mornings between 6-8am on KTU and Z100!
And signup for the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk in October! I'll be out there walking, you should too!

http://makingstrides.acsevents.org/

Incredible

Just about 3 years ago Allison was getting married to the love of her life Rick.


Her bridal shower was set on Ricky's parents pontoon boat. To most people this sounded like a great time. To me, I was horrified.

I had to wear a wig. On a boat. In June. It was hot! And that hairy hat was not something that I wanted to have fly off my head in a big gust of wind!

But... It was my opportunity to look like a bathing... BLONDE... beauty. And so I did. I rocked that wig and even wore a big floppy hat to shade my creamy chemo smooth skin from the hot Maryland Chesapeake Bay sun.

I drank mimosas and hung out with my girls and celebrated all the love that Allison and Ricky shared.

Now, 3 years later we went back on that boat to celebrate Allison's 30th birthday. My how the times have changed. Kind of.

The girls were there, the sun was blazing, the drinks were flowing. But one thing was different. My long brown hair was glistening in the sun, tapping my face like a feather reminding me of how lucky I am.

Later that night I was getting ready for bed while spending the night in Baltimore talking with Allison about what a great day it was. Allison said "I think it's pretty incredible how far you've come since the last time you were on the boat. You were at the lowest point then and look at you now. It's like ...Kara's back!"

Ricky pops his head in and says, "Kara never left. That's what's incredible. You were always Kara."

Tears filled up in my eyes. Because they are both right. I'm feeling great, looking like my old self again but my spirit never changed.

Thanks to my friends for always keeping me smiling. Seriously - I was smiling so much my cheeks were hurting after this weekend. Love you all!

Goodnight Drew

Just sitting here reflecting on the past few weeks. Memorial Day weekend ... what a weekend. After spending 2 amazing days with my best friends in the world eating Maryland blue crabs, playing Buffalo-born Kan-Jam and drinking Natty Bo beers, the fun came to an end on Tuesday when Nate and I attended our friend Drew Putzel's service and funeral.


I didn't get to know Drew nearly as much as even Nate. Nate had spent much time with Drew at work and many a night after work having a beer. But I only knew Drew in the office and hung out with him outside the office just a handful of times.

Drew passed away just about one week ago and I still can't get over it. He was the cute guy at the office. The guy always smiling, a little shy, but witty at the same time. He was adorable and had so much more life to live.

After attending his funeral on Tuesday, I just can't believe this happened. His beautiful girlfriend Brooke was so graceful. She cried, she hugged and I just couldn't help but think how she must be feeling. I thought about Nate. And how I couldn't go on if anything ever happened to him. I thought about any of us passing away. It's going to happen at some point in our lives, but could it be around the corner for any of us?

I mean, I feel as though I beat death. I guess it just wasn't my time. But why Drew?

I have a heavy heart about losing Drew. About how his family, best friends and girlfriend are feeling now that he's gone. His big pearly white smile will always be remembered in my heart and if I've learned anything, it's to truly cherish every single moment you have on Earth. With strangers, with loved ones and most of all with yourself.

G'night Drew. Heaven is a brighter place knowing you are there.

Babies!

As an estrogen receptive, Her2+ breast cancer survivor, I once heard from my doctor "having babies naturally may not be an option for you." I was devastated. I knew it might someday come to that given my treatment of chemo and radiation. But I didn't think it would be because of the estrogen, I thought it might be because my ovaries may have been compromised due to the chemicals.


Today, I came across a newly released finding: that pregnancy is safe for estrogen receptive breast cancer patients! http://healthfinder.gov/news/newsstory.aspx?docid=662902

My heart skipped a beat. I started crying at my desk. Well I was fighting back tears since my desk is out in the open!

I'm back on the playing field! I know there was and is a chance that my ovaries may be damaged, and that like many normal women, I might have trouble getting pregnant anyway. But at least now I know that I'm really (almost) just like everyone else. And it's in God's hands as opposed to stupid cancers' hands.

So thank you God for answering my prayers to just make it safe for me to try. And if it doesn't work out, that's ok too. Here's to a life of healthy babies! White ones, black ones, yellow ones, purple ones! Caroline, some day you are going to have a little cuz cuz...so, here's to never giving up hope.

No wonder I'm so forgetful!

I've been forgetful since I was a little girl, so I really cannot attribute my lack of remembering to chemo-brain. But I do know what this felt like. It's the strangest thing when you literally can't think back to what happened only days before. And you really do have a kind of "fog" that drifts over your eyes, your mind and your overall self.

I have to be honest in that I'm not so sure it's an actual side effect from drugs, but a natural reaction to being slapped in the face with an ugly thing called cancer.

So for all of you out there that start to glaze over reading a book, watching TV or even talking with friends - it's called "chemo brain" - and it's not because they are boring, (well it could be - haha), it's completely normal. Let's just hope it doesn't last for 20 years like this article says!
http://health.msn.com/health-topics/breast-cancer/chemo-brain-may-linger-20-years-after-breast-cancer-treatment

Making Lemonade

I just came across an amazing article that is so closely to how I have been thinking about breast cancer and I love the energy that is put behind this effort. It plays on the idea that when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. And that's definitely how being diagnosed with breast cancer was for me.

There is a woman by the name of Corinne Ellsworth Beaumont, who had 2 grandmothers who both passed away from breast cancer. She tried to find out more information at the age of 21, and couldn't really get any good solid understanding of what could happen her. As a graphic artist, she used the above metaphor and created the below visual identity of breast cancer - to help teach women all over the world about breast cancer in all women.

Check it out: http://ihatebreastcancer.wordpress.com/2012/02/04/how-a-graphic-designer-created-an-awesome-global-breast-cancer-awareness-campaign/

Cudos to you Corinne!

Tamoxifen can be a Night Terror!

These past few nights, I have been waking up in the middle of the night - not only sweating - but almost panting because I have had the worst night terrors. It feels so silly, like I'm a little kid, but they are the worst!


Last night, I was dreaming that I was with my co-worker and I started to drift away in the sky. She stayed on the ground, but was trying to hold me down. Finally, I couldn't hold on and I started drifting over the ocean and knew there was no way for me to be saved. My co-worker looked up at me and said "Kara, I think you're going to die." I quickly woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. How horrible!?!

I woke Nate up and needed some spooning, but I just felt so horrible.

Then, went back to sleep to have another dream that Nate and I were hanging with friends and he just kept walking away from me. Kept leaving me behind. It was awful!

The night before, I had dreams that I was running away, away from something chasing me!

So I went to work this morning, still thinking about why I'm having these horrible dreams. I started talking to my friend Justin and he mentioned that sometimes taking medicine before bed can give you side effects.

It clicked! Tamoxifen!

I googled "Tamoxifen and Bad Dreams" - and what did I find?

66% of people who have been taking Tamoxifen for 2-5 years have bad dreams!

Over 325,000 results and many sites and blogs of people saying they have bad dreams due to Tamoxifen!

So for those of you who are on Tamoxifen, take it in the morning!
I'm going to :)

Happy Birthday to Me!

It's official. I'm 30.

Just about 3 years ago at this time, my hair started to fall out. I had 1 treatment of chemotherapy and my skull ached. Nate was over and I asked him to run over to CVS to buy an electric razor and off my hair went.

Now, I'm sitting in my cozy apartment reflecting on the greatest week of my life. Who would have thought turning 30 could be so exciting?

Well, when I think about what my 30's mean for me, I think about my life with Nate. My little niece Caroline growing to be a kid! I think of maybe even some kiddies for me! I think of how much stronger and smarter I am today than those crazy days in my 20's. They were fun (except for some time while I was 26/27), but they were a mess!

My birthday was February 17 and I actually thought my mom and sister were only celebrating with me by having a small quiet dinner at my moms house. I should have known better!

On February 11, I got ready to go out to dinner with Boosh and Nichole and Nate said "you know Kar, you should go all put tonight. Put on a dress, some heels, get all done up!" Nate normally doesn't suggest what I should wear, but I didn't flinch. I thought it was a fabulous idea!

By 8:30pm we were headed out the door for dinner. The host took us back to our table.... To find my whole family and best friends yelling "Surprise!!!". I was shocked!

My birthday began the week before I turned 30 and didn't end until the weekend after. I was spoiled!

The night of my birthday, I went home to Pompton Plains for a night with my immediate family - my love, Nate the Great, Mommy, JB, Dana, Steve, Caroline and the Saginario's. Little Carmen played the guitar (he's amazing), and my mom made rump roast. It was the best. Until it was time for presents. I thought the surprise party was my present!

I opened up a box, to find another box. As I unwrapped the paper, I saw it. CHRISTIAN LOUBITIN. HOLY CRAP! I started crying. I started shaking. To some, these are just heels. To me, these are the Holy Grail. The most amazing shoes on the planet. Black patent leather. With RED SOLES!

The next day, February 18th, Nate and I hurried back to the city to meet my girls from college. Allison, Ricky, Meaghan and Tim arrived and we were going out to hit the town! We went to a fancy brunch, then off to the Beer Garden at the Standard Hotel. Took some time to rest after day drinking and had a fabulous dinner then drinks at the Maritime. What a night - it was fabulous!

I truly cannot thank Nate, my family and friends enough for giving me the best birthday a girl could have. And it's not just because I had an amazing party, and got the most beautiful shoes a woman could ask for, but because for a whole week, I was surrounded by people whom I love and I know love me right back. Healthy or not healthy - my friends and my family make me who I am and have been my support system through everything.

So thank you everyone! I love you all!

Silly me

Silly me...just got an email from an actual contact at Extend Fertility saying that she included MY STORY in this newsletter too! Keep scrolling down and you'll see a blurb about me:

Egg Freezing Provides a New Promise for Breast Cancer Patients

Extend Fertility Client Shares Her Story With ABC News

In the feature "Breast Cancer: New Options and New Promise" with ABC News 7, Kara Skaflestad, an Extend Fertility client shares her personal story. Kara froze her eggs as a Fertile Hope patient at Extend Fertility affiliate, Reproductive Medicine Associates of New York, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. "My eggs are frozen, living in Boston". Listen to Kara's story about becoming a breast cancer survivor, falling in love, and freezing her eggs.

And a link to the piece that Nate and I did with ABC News.

Here's to healthy eggs and future healthy babies!

Success in Egg Freezing

Just came across an amazing article this morning from an alert email that I receive weekly from Extend Fertility, the fertility "house" where my existing 32 children (frozen oocytes) are stored. I was happy to read that the woman who is currently pregnant, not only had her eggs stored at the same facility that I do, but she was also treated at RMA of New York - the same place I went to for the treatments and egg retrieval.

Though this article is mainly about women "buying time" through egg freezing, I'm happy to know that the places that I went to, were a success for this woman at 42 years old. And thanks to Oprah for reporting on it!

http://www.oprah.com/health/Egg-Freezing-Technology-Freezing-Your-Eggs#ixzz1kQ3mdufp